It was a showdown I'll never forget.

I was taking my daily walk around our apartment complex in Tampa, FL when I heard a loud, angry hiss that stopped me in my tracks. There in front of me was a face-off the likes of which I'd only seen in a John Wayne movie: a huge tomcat had tried to play nasty with a ferocious snapping turtle, who was not in the mood to play. I watched, incredulous, as the hissing turtle (turtles hiss?!) stood upright on his hind legs, (turtles can stand up?) and lunged forward, totally intimidating that tom cat who had completely misjudged it's prey. I found myself cheering for the turtle.

When I came home and told the story to my husband, I mentioned that I wished I could be more like that turtle; now it was his turn to be incredulous. "You ARE that turtle!" he said.

Being a former wimp who had tried to toughen myself up, I realized that perhaps the assertiveness I had pursued had unintentionally turned into aggression. Determined to live my life in a more positive manner, I began studying the differences between the two. I studied, took notes, journaled and now, from time to time, I look over those notes to see how I'm doing. OOPS, is the most frequent comment, but occasionally, I see some progress.  If you've ever come away from a confrontation with an ache in your gut and a throb in your head that suggests maybe you didn't handle yourself too well, perhaps this will help:

ASSERTIVE:     Characterized by self-confidence and boldness in expressing opinions.
AGGRESSIVE:  Showing readiness to fight or attack.

1. If you are assertive, you think before you speak. If you're aggressive, you hotly defend yourself.
2. An assertive person asks, "Is there an issue between us?" The aggressor lashes out or gossips about you behind your back.
3. The assertive person says, "I'd prefer not to do it that way." The aggressive person says, "I'll do it MY way!"
4. Assertive - lets his needs be known. Aggressive - may suffer silently, but with a loud bad attitude.
5. Assertiveness plays with brains; aggressive play with brawn.
6. Assertive people have low blood pressure. Aggressive people have high blood pressure and try to keep the playing field equal by raising yours.
7. Assertive people are strong; aggressive people are pushy.
8. An assertive person earns respect. An aggressive person demands it.
9. Assertiveness is upheld by truth and strength. Aggressiveness by presumption and control.
10. Assertive people seek to control their own emotions. Aggressive people seek to control their world.

A wise man once told me that by learning to be assertive rather than aggressive, I'd have enough energy to do my work, with more left over in the evening to pursue my own interests, like writing. Thanks, Charlie.




With the exception of the soft-shelled turtles in the genus Trionyx, the snapping turtles are unique among turtles. They defend themselves in a manner similar to snakes by "striking" at enemies. The speed at which they strike rivals that of the rattlesnake. So quick is the movement that the eye is barely able to follow it. Backed up by a pair of sharp-edged, cutting mandibles and jaw muscles of tremendous power, a snapping turtle bite may cause serious injury. The amputation of a finger by a medium-sized specimen would be an accomplishment of no difficulty.